THE BEAST – my enemy. My throat is constricting even as I look at you. My blood pressure is going up. You and I don’t communicate with each other – the words on your ugly body are unreadable without my occasionally-needed magnifying glass I keep near my sitting corner. When I look at you, I am filled with hate and loathing. When you refused to understand what I requested, I tried to murder you – I threw you across the room – your innards were left strewn under the dining room table, but you didn’t die. A sympathetic resident of my house put all your nasty parts back inside the proper places in your horrid little body.
Dear XXXXX (fill in the blank):
For a while, we noticed the old TV acting peculiar ... my greatest fear was not that the TV was nearing the end of it’s life, the big fear was ... the new Remote Control that comes with the new TV!
It took me 5 years to get used to the old remote control and 2 ½ of those years to get adjusted to a new VCR/DVD player. And, it was a major mental adjustment to figure how to switch to the Public TV station. When I finally figured out how do maneuver it’s intricacies, it was too late – the TV died !!! – buy a new one – out with the old, in with the new. Let’s keep throwing away everything – nothing should be ... [silly me!] ... repaired! I am not a fool, my IQ is respectable, am knowledgeable and skilled in the use of numerous computer programs, have owned and installed a number of computers over the last 25 years, have a college education, am usually and currently currently employed, have worked in the fields of Engineering, Architecture, and Nuclear, have dabbled in computer languages. So, why are my needs ignored by Technology Industry? I am officially a Senior Citizen, but ... am I dead? Do I not spend my paycheck on useful items? What’s wrong here?
Do I ask for help from the TV manufacturer? Fat chance - they have planned their own non-identity. Do I ask for help from the TV Salesperson? – I tried - they don’t know – they just sell the equipment – or from the delivery guys? – the guys with muscles and butt cracks showing? or from my Satellite dish folks? or do I just complain to anyone out there in Blogland? I should just give up TV – that might be a GOOOOOD solution – but I still want to re-watch all my carefully recorded video Quilt Show programs, and VCRs/DVDs and Public TV.
Do I need this agitation and distress? Do I want this issue to cause discord between my spouse and me – he has no better solutions and much less patience! Originally, I was unable to even turn it on. I am left with the feeling that I must be stupid, I must have a mental handicap, I must be mentally challenged, too old, brain deficient. Should I just go back to bed and wait for the Grim Reaper?
Sincerely,
Elaine Adair
cc: AARP
cc: Furniture company who sold me the TV
cc: Satellite dish company
cc: Local cable company in case I want to switch from satellite back to cable.
cc: Mom
P.S. I wrote this some time ago, and was so distressed that I couldn’t post it at the time. Things have since settled down, and I have solved this particular problem. And do you know who gave me the answers? Yep, a quilter!
P.P.S. My VCR/DVD player is now eating my tapes. Time for another dreaded piece of equipment! This may be the last straw!