Meanderings from Widow Elaine Adair - NQR

This is kinda sad, but honest and the kind of things a new widow must deal with.  If you haven't visited previously, I am a new widow - life had changed dramatically for me - I'm trying my best.

First, "Apply for Widow's Benefits for SS" if that pertains to you.  I thought I was doing that by notifying SS, but no, you have to APPLY!  Separate action from just notifying SS - lots of questions to answer.  This has delayed his checks - the virus is delaying more. 

This past week I have been clearing out our shared Studio.  Oh my gosh, what a mess - so much stuff, so much heartache, no much of everything.  We quilters know we have stuff, I didn't realize a retired man, a man who loved making model wood boats, would have as much or MORE than this quilting wife.  Everything I found of his was an emotional challenge - lots of boo-hooing.  His grandson was here to help move out heavier things.  We sold/ gave away unneeded/unloved furniture.  The Studio is now empty except for my big fold out sewing desktable.   All else is piled somewhere in other now-cluttered rooms - overwhelming. 

DH was a smoker and you never realize how dingy the walls are until you start cleaning.  That is where I am -- I am washing walls, doable half a wall per day because I am no spring chicken, and then, just to peek to see if the ceiling needed washing, I tried a small part.  I am in process of washing the ceiling, above the molding, on the right.  The left part of the corner is where the cleaner oversprayed.  These are coved ceilings, there is no clear corner where the wall meets the ceiling.  Today I am hollering at DH for his smoking habits!!!!   He always said OSAAT, One Step At A Time, which is do-able but slow going.

I have yet to find a good way to wash the ceiling.  That sponge on the pole is only moderately successful, and as a Senior woman of 77, looking UP results in visual/dizzy issues.  I'm using a wall washing product, and only do a little at a time.  Like everyone else in this virus-infected country, I have to do it by myself.  A friend insisted I START with the ceiling - now I know why.

OK, advice.  Maintain access to funds - more than you think.  It takes time to get thru it all, a lot of physical work and chances are you aren't functiong well, and bills keep coming.  We were beneficiaries on each other's assets - this saves unnecessary delays - didn't need a will.  Get your cleaning and sorting and purging done years before you HAVE to!  This man kept so many records, newspapers, clippings, articles, old legal documents, STUFF, back to the 60s.  I know they bring back memories, but holy smoke!!  This is a LOT of work for the surviving spouse!!!  We quilters have our own stuff and if you leave it, someone, well intentioned, will have no choice but to throw it out, simply because there is not time nor energy to savor any of it.  The one thing I really LOVED finding, was his professional resume that I had never seen during our 24 years together.   He was an excellent manager!   I was amazed at all he'd accomplished and at the level he worked and THAT was something I wished we'd talked about.  He even was the subject of a CNN special during drought years!

Also, take photos, both in health and in illness.  For a long while, I was reviewing photos in his young, handsome days, a man full of health and vigor.  Then I finally realized, he was not that way any more.  I'm glad I took photos of him more recently, worn out, ill and hollow-eyed - the photos helped me accept his death a little.

Thank you for your comments - I don't want to make you sad, just realistic.  It's important to know what WILL be in store for all of us, and I bet you've never heard some of these meanderings, so perhaps my "advice" will help someone.